Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
