No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
He had one of those small greek statue penises
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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