I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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