My room smells like vodka and shame
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
