Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
My vagina is very pro this idea
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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