Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
