last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
not ubering you a puppy
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
