so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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