mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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