dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
