I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
