Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
