I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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