She is in my trunk
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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