My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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