oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
