i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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