dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
