Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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