mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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