You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
My dad is sitting where you rode me
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
