I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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