I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
