overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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