I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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