Me. At least after what I've been through.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Randomize
