You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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