Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
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