I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
