is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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