she looked like the before picture.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
