the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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