Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
