It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
