Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
