he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
