I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
