apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
