I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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