Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
