I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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