i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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