hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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