My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
