You can't motorboat a personality
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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