he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
