I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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