On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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