I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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