at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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