The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
