He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
