Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
