you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
