he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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